On Monday, when my phone rang and my brother gave me the news that a family member would be adopting Brendan, my world came to a halt. We knew all along that this could happen, I even told people, "It's never for sure until you have those adoption papers". But I was not able to keep my heart from being invested in this sweet little boy. I scolded myself for allowing this to happen. Why didn't I keep my distance until he was legally available for adoption? And what about this growing passion that Joe and I have for adoption? Should we just give up? It would be a lot less painful. What is the Lord trying to say?I took the rest of Monday and all of Tuesday to grieve and pray. This is not to say that I am not still grieving or praying, but I can't hide out in my pj's forever. The Lord kept bringing back a blog that I had read a few days before this happened. It was actually from my brother. He was talking about things that he had learned from being a foster parent. The thing that stuck most in my mind was that when you care for a child (foster, adoptive or even biological), it's not about you. It's about that child. Sure, my heart is broken, but what is best for Brendan? And who is this about? Should I withdraw my love for fear of getting hurt? Or could I possibly, with the help of God, give my love away with full abandon and no hesitation, knowing that this is what God has called me to do? So, as hard as this process has been, I would not trade knowing this little boy and even loving him. I will pray for him until I see him in heaven and trust that God has the perfect plan for him and for us. As for adoption, we are still continuing to pursue this as Joe and I both believe that that Lord has laid it on our hearts. And I thank Brendan for giving us the motivation to research adoption more fully and to find out the steps we need to take to get us there.
